black creatives

Five Fail-Proof Ways to Counter Criticism

Criticism is part of our daily lives. Whether it’s about what we wear, what we watch, what we look like—there is someone out there to point fingers and offer unsolicited advice. Even on the advertisements we see, especially on Facebook, people have taken it upon themselves to let the model exactly how they feel about (usually) her appearance and what she looks like. In an atmosphere like this, its nearly impossible to avoid the harsh words of others. So, the aim is not to avoid it, but how to address it?

As a writer with entertainment words “out there” for all to see, criticism is a daily part of our lives. Amazon, Goodreads, and book review blogs are there to tell us what we’ve done right and what we’ve done wrong. To be honest, it is difficult to read how someone doesn’t like a story or a character near and dear to our hearts, but over my career as an author, I’ve picked up quite a few tips relevant for both the “author life” and real life. Read on to see how I cope with criticism.

Words which tell us our efforts are either not good enough or not appreciated are difficult to hear. However, the first thing to do what we perceive as harsh words is to do the following:

1. Listen and Analyze – Before shutting down in the face of words we might not want to hear, really listen to what the speaker is saying. Is the critique relevant? Finding little nuggets of advice in what may seem to be a personal attack is difficult, but often if we listen calmly and think about what is being said, we can see the validity behind it.

2. Don’t take it personally – Yes, it hurts. We created this project, whether it be an outfit, a story, or even a cake, and it is our little creation. Of course, it’s going to sting when someone points out something wrong with it. However, bite the bullet, swallow the pride and do #3.

3. Ask Questions – If the criticism is coming from a place of caring, i.e. the person delivering the message is doing so in a sincere effort to make us look better, then we should take the time to breathe and ask the person to elaborate. Perhaps the words seemed harsh at first glance, but when we give the person time to explain, we may see the value of their opinions.

4. Consider the Source – I touched on this a bit in #3. If the critique is coming from someone we could care less about, brush it off. Don’t let the harsh words of others who are not invested in your well-being to dampen your creative spirit.

5. Manage your reaction – This probably should have been both first and last because it’s so important. Many of us tend to beat ourselves up for past mistakes, past missteps, and things we simply can’t change. The same with criticism. Criticism is hurtful, let’s be real. No matter how hard we work, there will be something wrong with what we’ve done—we are not perfect. Therefore, if someone offers us some helpful hints on our work, take them. We shouldn’t apply them to what we’ve already done: we can’t change that, but we should use it going forward.

Above all, and this should be the greatest takeaway: don’t stop creating. Keep on keeping on. Criticism will not kill you, thus do not allow it to kill the creative spark and/or the drive to “do” within you. Remember, every single person walking this lovely Earth has a different way of looking at things. We, as artists, and as human beings, need to seek out people who will support us as well as gently help us to go in the right direction. This is how you thrive as an artist as well as a person!

Tell me, what are some ways you counter criticism? Do you ignore the person? Snap back? Does it have an effect on how you perceive yourself, or do you just brush it off and go? Let me know in the comments!

For Writers Only: Coping with Criticism

Writing is not a profession for the faint of heart. Sure, you wrote a paragraph or two about how the end of The Walking Dead should have been, or an alternate version of Breaking Bad’s nursing home scene (I’m still sick sick sick over that) , but when you REALLY take the plunge, you’ll know.

The Degraded Life of a Writer
Let’s look at the downward spiral you will take. First, you have to complete a story, a task in and of itself. Many different endings will present themselves to you, if you’re lucky to get that far. Otherwise, you’ll dilly dally around the middle, adding in a character, or three, perhaps a death or some kind of natural disaster to get you through the classic “center of story” slump. Or, you’ll shilly shally around the beginning, crafting that perfect first word, sentence, paragraph, chapter, over and over again. Whatever way you choose, you’re doomed. DOOMED. (Can you hear Hector Salamanca’s bell?)

Second, once the piece is finished (again, if you get that far), you either give it to a beta reader or an editor. Prepare to be humiliated. Not that your beta/editor is doing it on purpose (usually), far from it. They are there to help. But about your lovely golden-y words, your figures of speech and witty conversations between your perfect, perfect, characters? They’re going to be cut, slashed and twisted. Shall I tell you why? When you sit in front of a blank screen and fill it with words, you are the wittiest, smartest, creativest (not a real word) person in the world. In fact, I feel exactly that way now as I type this. No one can write a blog post like I can! Bwuahahahaha! Bow to my wit and abjectly funny sentences.

Two Types of Criticism
This is where we come to the criticism part. There are two types and sometimes, it’s hard to tell them apart. In the previous paragraph, I speak about a beta reader or editor cutting and slashing your words so they are more cohesive and make sense. If you’ve selected your partners in crime carefully, they have nothing except positive thoughts, daisy, and hearts in their souls for you. They want you to do well. And while you weep at your precious words and sentences writhing on the floor, deep in your trembling heart, you know it’s for the best.

That’s constructive criticism. And if you get someone who is willing to read your stuff and give you clear-eyed and on point critique? Tie them up in the basement and never let them go. Well, maybe not the basement. Add an extra bedroom. These people are precious, and will you tell you like it is. We writers CRAVE this.

Then, there’s the other kind of criticism. This type if from people who don’t really know your voice, don’t know/understand your background and either don’t want to “get” you or don’t care if you succeed or not. These are the people who will read your stuff, then want you to change the name of a character because “they don’t like it”. Or, they don’t like both characters being in the same profession. Note: If a person gives a valid REASON as to why these things rng hollow in your writing, then that’s a different story (see what I did there?).

Now, none of this is as obvious as “I don’t like your writing”. It’s a more insidious form of criticism. It’s designed to tear you and your choices down, under the guise of “critique”. You want to know if your story resonated with people, not if one being an elementary school teacher and the other being a professor raises someone hackles. If it doesn’t make a difference in the story, then what of it?

Even better when they say “this story reminds me of xxxx”. Well, NATCH! There’s only so many stories to write, so many plots to twist, so many character traits to combine. Though the idea may be similar, the story is YOUR story and YOUR story only.

Dealing with Criticism
So, after all this chitter chatter, how are you to deal with this?
Keep your emotions in check. After all, even with the meanest (in your eyes) criticism, something good may be lurking in the wings. Don’t take it personally.

Ignore it and find another beta/editor. Not all beta/editors are created alike. Find someone who walks a balance between understanding what’s “popular” and understanding your way of creating. Sometimes they dovetail, sometimes they don’t.

Ask questions. Nothing stops someone in their critique tracks than asking the reasons behind a particular criticism. Sometimes you get something you can use, sometimes….yeah, you guessed it, you don’t. If you hear “I don’t like so and so’s name”. You ask, “Why don’t you like it? What effect does that have on the story?” If they can’t answer the second question to your satisfaction, then shine that ish on.

Be respectful and thank them. Even if you think what they said was more fit for a farm field than your ears, listen calmly and thank them for their feedback (after you’ve asked some probing questions). This is where your acting skills come into play!

All it all, it’s not SO tough being a writer. You get to wear what you want and if you’re like me, use writing time as an excuse to write the movie and TV shows you wish someone would write. For reals, tho, right?

Keep your head up and pen to paper. Until next time.

1Love

Tip Tuesday – Make it Work with One Notebook

For those of you who’ve seen me flitting about on social media, especially Instagram, then you know how much I love my journals and notebooks. It is truly an affliction. I can’t resist the call of a beautiful looking journal, knowing I can fill its blank pages with my genius thoughts.

Once I get the journal home, it’s another story. The pages are so pretty and pristine, I am reluctant to sully them with my less than important. So, I put the date on the journal and place it on the shelf. It still looks pretty, but it’s unused.

What happens next? Well, I get into an organizing frenzy. Since I see so many journals on the shelf, I pick one for story ideas, one for daily to do lists and one for note taking. Since they’re so disparate, I do need the three journals, right? After about a week, that plan, as brilliant as I thought it was, is all shot to hell.

Enter 2018 and yet another renewed effort for organization. My daughter encouraged me to purchase yet another journal, because 1) she wanted one and 2) they were on sale for 4 dollars each with a coupon and 3) they were so pretty I couldn’t resist. Not only did I end up purchasing more journal-ly meth, I also drew my daughter into the dangerous world of stationery addictions.

When I got home, I determined that this HAD TO STOP! There was no way I could go on with piles of beautiful but blank journals. That’s not what they were made for. I needed to use them for their intended purpose.

And then, I watched a rerun of Breaking Bad. Hank is investigating the death of someone and it winds up they kept meth recipes, titration diagrams and vegan brownie recipes…in the same notebook. While this may seem minor, it was a true epiphany for me. I could use my journal in a multipurpose way.

Which notes do I write in this journal, you may ask?

No. I did not organize it. No, I didn’t do anything cute like those nifty bullet journals. As Dirty Harry said, “A man’s got to know his limitations.” I scribble book snippets that occur to me at odd times, partial grocery lists, passwords and story ideas. And guess what?

IT WORKS!

Not only am I keeping up with it after a full seven days (a record), I am saving so much time. Yes, I do have to flip through a few pages to find what I’m looking for, but that’s what stick flags are for. The point is, I KNOW the information is there because I KNOW I wrote it down. For a disorganized kinda gal like me, this is just so…..liberating!

Oh, yes, the tip for Tuesday? Try a one notebook approach!

Shout out to Breaking Bad for the breakthrough! (See what I did there?)

How are you handling organization? Are you a journal person? A phone person? Let me know in the comments.

1Love
Dahlia

Music Monday – Goth Classical Music

Hey! It’s Music Monday!

There’s nothing I like better on a cold winter’s evening (and sometimes in the summer too) is a cup of Irish coffee and some dark classical music. Whether it be a mournful aria or a draggy dirge in a lovely minor key, the dulcet tones of a sorrowful violin or the lamenting mezzo-sorprano.

I thrive on that shit.

Forget about the dog dying in movies or some drama on television. Youwant to bring a tear to my eye, play me a tune in a minor key. Those gloomy chord progressions will get me every single time.

Here we go.

Dido’s Lament – Dido and Aeneas, Henry Purcell

In operas, someone always dies. Here, it’s Dido. She’s taken poison because her great love, Aeneas, has abandoned her. Grab the tissue and take a look at her first lines: (Belinda is her lady in waiting)

“Thy hand Belinda….darkness shades me….on thy bosom, let me rest…
More I would….but death invades me….Death is now a welcome guest….”

And the great, greatc Jessye Norman brings these lyrics right to your doorstep.

“Remember me….but ah! Forget my fate…..”

Goosebumps!

Moonlight Sonata – Beethoven

One of the comments on this video (paraphrase): “I listen to this in the dark with a cup of tea…like a psychopath”

Frederic Chopin – Waltz in A minor

Sergei Rachmaninoff – Prelude, Opus 2 #2 in C sharp minor

John Williams – Theme from Schindler’s List, Performed by Itzhak Perlman

Go ahead. Get the tissues, sob, breathe, then touch up your black eyeliner and tighten the laces on your Doc Martens. I hope you enjoyed my little gothy list of classical songs.

1Love

Peace, Love, Unity

Dahlia

5 Fandom Friday – Goals for 2017

It’s been a while since I posted a 5 Fandom Friday, but this is as good time as any to get back into the swing of things. Plus, if I type up these goals, I have something to refer back to as the year goes on. While I love some sticky notes, nothing is more permanent than the Internet.

Here goes

My first goal for the year is to buckle down in the writing game. Due to some bad health news in 2016, I’ve been very spotty with writing and submitting/publishing. In 2017, I plan to:

Complete and submit at least three short stories
Complete and publish two novels that have been hanging around on my hard drive for at least three years
Complete the third book/story in the Tea and Tomahawks series/universe
Complete a novella that I started last year.

The second goal for the year is to keep my writing desk more organized, which means to set aside time once per week to clean and arrange the desk. Although my dream desk would look like this:

Dream Desk

that’s never going to happen. First of all, my desk is dark brown and I have a ton of stuff.

At this point, I will settle for a bucket of pre-sharpened pencils and working pens.

The third goal is to be more creative. I used to really be heavy into trying different crafts. I have a Silhouette Portrait machine that is sitting in the corner getting dusty. This year, I plan to create at least five different projects using the Silhoutte and to knit or crochet five scarves or hats by the end of the year.

This is what I have, only sad and dusty.

I used to be really crafty. Now’s the time to get back to that. So many projects to do!

The fourth goal is more health oriented. No, it’s not to lose weight or run a thirty minute mile. This is something simple that anyone can do any time.

Drink more water.

Drinking water not only keeps you hydrated – imagine that – but it also keeps those brain cells alert and working. Also, improves the complexion. During these dry winter months here in Northeast USA, keeping up water intake is sorely needed.

Last but not least, the fifth and final goal of the year is to drink more alcohol. No, I’m not kidding. There are so many wines out there that I haven’t tried as well as that dusty bottle of apple-tini mix sitting at the top of the pantry, just begging for vodka and ice. Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t plan on being “that mom” that’s slushed out of her mind in the car pool line. No and nope. I just don’t want weeks to go by without a sip of the spirits. Sangria, Zinfandel, and once in a while some of the stronger stuff…I plan on imbibing them all.

Go ahead, say it. “Dahlia’s a lush”. At least “lush” sounds so much better than “drunk”.

There you go, my goals for the New Year. Surprised?

1Love
Peace, Love, and Unity.