Horror Movie Review: The Bye Bye Man

Title: The Bye Bye Man

Genre: Horror, Drama, it wasn’t terrible…..

Summary: Three friends stumble upon the horrific origins of a mysterious figure they discover is the root cause of the evil behind unspeakable acts. (from IMDB)

There’s an old song, from the seventies, that says, “Where do I begin/To tell the story of how sweet a love can be?”

In this case, I would change the words to: Where do I begin/to tell the story of how crap this film it be?

The movie begins in what looks like the 1960s where some dude with glasses is walking around with a shotgun chanting “Don’t think it, don’t say it” and systematically shooting everyone in his house and finally himself. Okay. That’s fine. It is a horror, after all.

Fast forward to the present time, and the good ol’ pack of those kind of young folks that you see in horror all the time characterize themselves for the viewer. Hopefully, this briefest of character sketches will make us feel sorry for them when things go woefully wrong. Spoiler alert: I’m just here for the Bye Bye Man. Also, I see you black dude!

There are several good things about the movie. The atmosphere is appropriately creepy and foreboding. The dark cinematography, even over the daytime scenes, give you a feeling that anything can happen at any time. There are some jump scares that are kind of effective and the monster/killer itself gives off a type of Freddy Krueger vibe.

That being said, the film did not quite make it for me. It wasn’t that the film was so bad, in fact, it had an interesting premise and the actors (for the most part) were adequate. It just felt like something was missing. They seemed to be playing fast and loose with the plot, which made some of the reasoning behind characters’ motivations hard to follow.

All in all, I won’t turn you away from seeing this movie. As I said, the premise was intriguing and parts of the movie were effective. Go into this with the thought you’re just going to have fun, and you will.

Grade: B-

Horror Movie Review – The Open House

Title: The Open House

Genre: Thriller/Horror

Synopsis: (from imdb) A teenager (Dylan Minnette) and his mother (Piercey Dalton) find themselves besieged by threatening forces when they move into a new house.

If you’re a fan of horror movies where “the black guy dies first”, this movie is for you. To begin, let me tell you I watch a LOT of garbage. As a person who watched horror movies, I have accepted and even embraced the fact that not every movie I screen will be good or even palatable. Still, even in the worst of horror movies so far, I’ve been able to not be disgusted by them. Sure, they’ve been dumb, silly and downright terrible, but there was always a little spark of originality or the fact the movie didn’t take itself too seriously which mitigated its terribleness. This is not the case with The Open House.

If, after my dire warning, you still insist on watching this film in a serious way, read no more. I will be spoiling everything I can. All the spoilers. EVERY ONE!

From both the poster and the movie trailer, the film promises a mysterious movie in which a weekly Open House may or may not be inviting in a killer. The film poster, done in bluish-gray “horror movie tones” showed a shadowy figure standing menacingly in a driveway. Both advertisement mediums indicated a good, scary time lorded over by this scary figure.

When I logged on to Netflix to chill out and watch some reruns of The Office, it popped right up on my feed. So, I said, what the heck? Oh, foolish Dahlia. Foolish, foolish, Dahlia.

I should have known something was up when the movie began with a cliche:

Main character suffers a devastating tragedy.
I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again: I’ve seen a LOT of movies (not just horror) and I’m pretty good at recognizing foreshadowing when I see it. As I writer, I have also been known to use the technique a bit. That being said, foreshadowing is supposed to be subtle, but when Dad dropped an egg and the movie showed it cracking open, spilling out the yolk and white all over the floor, I knew Dad was a goner. Then, poor old Dad suggests they go get more eggs. I knew right away, old Dad was gonna be cracked open sooner rather than later. Sure enough, Dad was gone in the first 15 minutes of the movie. Bonus cliche points: the main character sees this happen,

Main character has to relocate because of…whatever issues.

Turns out Dad was a deadbeat and didn’t leave any insurance. So Mom and son have to go to live in her sister’s house, which she just so happens to have up for sale. Which brings us to the next cliche.

New location is located in a remote place with spotty cell service.

On their way to the town, the mother is talking on the cell phone in the car. Sounds like she’s trying to straighten out something with the husband’s estate. Why are you chatting on the phone, driving to a strange place IN THE DARK? Either way she’s driving, in the dark and chatting on the phone. Then she gets mad because the phone

cuts out (cue spotty cell service) Suddenly, a mysterious figure appears at the side of the road, causing mom to slam the brakes and holler, “Did I hit him?”

:::::Mouth open:::::: Heffa, did you hear a thump? I’m sorry, but I’ve got to really ding the movie for this. I can’t with this one. There was no thump….why the heck did you think you hit him? I began to think this movie wasn’t going to have any legs. But it did have cliches! Check out the next one.

Explore a creepy basement/attic with a flashlight.

They get to the house. Bring in their stuff. Then the mother disappears somewhere and the boy is in the kitchen by himself. Oh, look there’s a door! It leads to a basement, WHICH HAS NO LIGHT SWITCH. No worries, just pick up this handy flashlight and go right on down! Also, what was up with the maze in the basement? Stone walls? Is this Wolfenstein? No rhyme or reason, just wander around down there until your mother calls for you. The weird thing was, they never discuss how weird the basement was, not even a throw off line. I tell you what, if I lived in a house like that with a creepy basement, I sure would be on the lookout for, well, creepiness.

Weird/creepy neighbors and/or townsfolk

The characters go into a store or something and an older woman comes up to them. “You must be Logan….and you are Naomi”. Ooooo, spooky. They are on alert. How does this woman know their names. “Oh, your sister emailed me with your pictures.” Okay, why didn’t the sister TELL THEM that? Cheap scary moment. Random crazy woman not so crazy…or is she? You’re back and forth with that, movie. And I despise you for it.

Random scares with chords.

Oh, the tangled web we weave when we try to scare. Sigh. The silly jump scares abound. Unfortunately, no cat scares…that at least would have been mildly entertaining.

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Saying “hello” when there’s a weird sound/event.

There’s a scene where Logan, the teenager, is awakened by a honking horn. He gets up, goes to the window and peeks out. There is a car sitting in their driveway, with its lights on bright so he really can’t see anything. He stands there for a while until the car honks its horn. Logan then GOES OUTSIDE (no coat, no shoes) and tries to see who is in the car. What the heck? Then, he goes back to bed and DOES NOT TELL HIS MOTHER. Whaaaa? I dig that they’re kind of estranged because of the father’s death and their poorness, but…..c’mon man!

Not noticing things are out of place/not telling people when weird things happen

You live in a house, an apartment whatever. You know when doors are open and closed, right? Well, these two don’t. The mother goes somewhere in the house, walks past a door. As we watch, the door opens. When she comes back, and walks right past the door, she doesn’t close it, nor does she even seem to register that it’s open in the first place. I just shook my head. By that time in the movie, I was just watching to see what happened.

Kid has a cereal bowl in his room. He goes to do something, and finds his cereal bowl in the living room. Says nothing.

Black guy dies first

So something scary happens, furniture is rearranged when they leave the house. They come back, are shocked, and FINALLY call the police. After trying to keep his mother from even talking to this dude earlier in the movie, Kid invites the only other black guy in the movie besides the cop, Chris, over to, I guess, protect them against the creepy stuff. And also to be the first victim of mysterious killer. Yeah. Bite it, movie, with your oldest cliche in the damn horror movie book.

Note: There are two black men in this movie. One is a red herring and dies first, the other is a police officer and has THREE WORDS to say. This is 2018, right? I thought we were done with the stereotypes and cliches, but I guess not. Bugger off, movie.

As if you didn’t know this already, this movie is not recommended, even for fun. It’s a dud of a movie, and I truly felt I wasted my time watching it. If you want to see the trailer, I’m sure it’s on YouTube. I’ve wasted enough of my life on this movie as it is.

Grade: F-. You are not approved for a mortgage.

Note: There are a few times where I think I say I’m sorry? Well, I’m NOT!!

Horror Movie Review: Død Snø

Zombies, oh Zombies. Nazi Zombies. Nazi Zombies who are after their stolen treasure. What could be better?

Title: Død Snø
Genre: Horror – Zombies…Nazi Zombies!!
Director: Tommy Wirkola

How have I not reviewed this movie yet? For goodness sake, I’m slacking off.

Two words: NAZI ZOMBIES

Here is the synopsis according to IMDB:

A ski vacation turns horrific for a group of medical students, as they find themselves confronted by an unimaginable menace: Nazi zombies.

I gave this movie an A. I went into it knowing what I was going to get…a B grade zombie popcorn flick. This movie did not to pretend to be anything more than that. And they succeeded in a grand fashion.

First of all, we have the so-called Ice Monster prologue…a scary chase through the woods set to Edvard Grieg’s In the Hall of the Mountain King, which is awesome stuff in and of itself (spoken like a true band geek, lol), but when included in the movie was just…choice.

Then we have your motley group of med students on vacation in a cabin that is literally in the middle of nowhere, that is lacking….say it with me now….cell service.

What a ride this movie was! It was gross, funny and thoroughly entertaining. I laughed out loud at some parts and covered my eyes at others.

I’d totally watch this again…..at nine in the morning, of course.

Note: Please, I beg of you, watch it in Norwegian with the English subtitles. The dubbed version is distracting. Plus, you get to hear what the actors’ voices really sound like.

Enjoy!
Grade: A

Horror Movies-Original vs. Remakes – Battle One

So, you call yourself a horror movie fan? Well, even as a middle of the road fan, meaning I won’t watch them at night, and if something is too gory or too much, I will turn it off to preserve my sanity. Given that, I’ve seen a lot of scary movies, but even I was surprised to find out some were remakes. Let’s take a look, beyond the obvious.

Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?

Yep, this sister vs sister thriller/horror was remade in 1991 starring real life sisters Vanessa and Lynn Redgrave. John Glover plays the part, I think, that Victor Buono played in the original. I’ve seen it, I’ve noted it, I’ve blanked it out. Nuff said. Here’s the trailer.

[wpdevart_youtube]https://youtu.be/ASNWw6yFIb8[/wpdevart_youtube]

The Crazies

Timothy Olyphant, who I will always forever see as sexy salesman Danny Cordray on The Office, and Radha Mitchell do a great job in this remake of the 1973 classic. I don’t mind telling you, the trailer scared me. The image of people enjoying a nice day at a baseball game as a huge, zombie-like dude marches across the field carrying a bloody weapon….that’s horror, where the ordinary go so wrong, so fast. I haven’t seen the original, so I’m not sure how it measures up, but I can say it sure scared me.

Last House on the Left

As an exercise in 70s horror, I watched this. It was an awful experience because the movie was so good at being awful. The feeling of dread, of hopelessness and fear exudes from the screen after the two fun-loving girls meet up with that terrible crew. Once seen, it is not an experience I’d want to repeat, because the movie did so well at making its audience feel terrible. I won’t watch the remake.

The Fly

David Cronenberg is a body horror master. In The Fly, he lets it all hang out. Ugh. I’ve seen both, but the remake is more stomach turning, and probably realistic than the original. Both movies, however, do have good points.

The Blob

Yes, Steve McQueen was dreamy as a 40 year old high school student, but let’s be real. The original Blob depended more on suspense than gross out scenes. In the remake, it was a disgusting thrill to see the dude sucked down the drain by the blob. The telephone booth scene was also a good scare. Again, with what they had to work with, the original Blob was pretty good, but the remake’s special effects made a scary story much better.\

So what’s your vote?

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Blogtoberfest – Stephen King's Pet Sematary

Horror is different for everyone. I don’t think the “experts” can agree on what horror is and thus there are tons of movies and books that represent the horror

Cover of "Pet Sematary (Special Collector... — Cover via Amazon

genre, as it should be.

I also believe that horror is different depending on where you are in your life. What’s represents horror for a twenty-year-old might be old-hat to a forty year old. Books that resounded for me in my twenties are just “eh” now that I’m a lovely seasoned woman of a certain age.

But Stephen King’s Pet Semetary broke that mold. It’s just as frightening now as when I first read it many years ago.

Here’s the blurb

“Sometimes dead is better….”When the Creeds move into a beautiful old house in rural Maine, it all seems too good to be true: physician father, beautiful wife, charming little daughter, adorable infant son — and now an idyllic home. As a family, they’ve got it all…right down to the friendly cat.

But the nearby woods hide a blood-chilling truth — more terrifying than death itself…and hideously more powerful.

SPOILERS SPOILERS sort of SPOILERS sort of SPOILERS SPOILERS

My goodness, what a story. It runs the gamut from the “real-life” horror of the death of a child and the grief that follows, to the otherworldly horror that awaits when the family tries to alleviate the grief that follows the death of a family pet.

The first time I read the story the scene on the hill wasn’t so horrifying. You know why? Because I didn’t have children of my own. I think I was more touched by the death of the pet than I was by the other. However, when I read it now, that scene on the hill makes my gut twinge and jump. After reading it, I had to go “check on the children”. Having children of my own makes the following scenes more poignant and so much more touching.

Sympathy turning to empathy.

SPOILERS END (they were half-assed anyway)

My theory of horror if you’re “just watching” it makes it a lot less scary. “This could never happen to me because blah blah”. When an ordinary situation turns into a “horror” situation, something that could happen to anyone, something that is plausible (with a little “what if” thrown in) that’s when the true terror begins.

Pet Sematary is about grief, loss and at its core, the horror of not letting go and where it can get you.