Dahlia DeWinters - Author

Quirky Heroines, Happy Endings

Blogtoberfest – Recipes – Cinnamon Sugar Spider Webs

Picture courtesy of FoodNetwork

Total Time: 40 min

Prep: 10 min
Cook: 30 min
Yield: about 30 webs

Ingredients

  • Vegetable oil, for frying
  • 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
  • 1 tablespoon granulated sugar
  • 3/4 teaspoon baking powder
  • 3/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
  • 1/8 teaspoon fine salt
  • 3/4 cup milk
  • 1 large egg
  • 1 tablespoon maple syrup, plus 1/4 cup for brushing
  • 1/2 cup confectioners’ sugar
  • Jelly spiders, orange or black nonpareils, for garnish, optional

Directions

Pour enough oil in a large skillet so it’s about 1 inch deep. Heat oil over medium-high heat until a deep-fry thermometer registers between 280 to 300 degree F.

Meanwhile, whisk together the flour, sugar, baking powder and salt in a large bowl. Make a well in the center; add the milk, egg, and 1 tablespoon maple syrup. Whisk the dry and wet ingredients together until smooth.

Transfer batter into a large size pastry bag with a # 3 or 4 open tip. Carefully squeeze batter in a circular pattern and then back and forth into the oil, to make a free form spider web-like design, about 3 to 4 inches in diameter. Cook until bottoms are golden, about 2 minutes. Using tongs or slotted spoon, turn fritters over and cook until golden on other side, about 1 minute more. Transfer the fritters to paper towels to drain briefly. Brush lightly with maple syrup and dust with confectioners’ sugar. Repeat with remaining batter. Serve warm or at room temperature alone or with the garnishes.

Copyright 2008 Television Food Network, G.P. All rights reserved

*You may use a zip bag instead of a pastry bag. Snip a corner to the appropriate size and you’re good.

Courtesy of the Food Network

Horror Movie Review: The Autopsy of Jane Doe

Title:  The Autopsy of Jane Doe

Genre:  Horror, Drama

Summary: A father and son, both coroners, are pulled into a complex mystery while attempting to identify the body of a young woman, who was apparently harboring dark secrets. (from IMDB)

Starring:  Emile Hirsch and Brian Cox

Brian Cox is ‘that guy’ for me.  I remember him as Daphne Moon’s gadabout father from Frasier and as Col Stryker from the first series of X-Men movies.  I love the way he pops up as a villain or as a supporting character in the movies I enjoy watching.  He has presence and improves any scene he appears in.

On the other hand, I only know Emile Hirsch from some strange movie called “Alpha Dog” in which he plays a kidnap “victim”. I can’t remember seeing him in anything much at all, although his IMDB resume reveals more than a few films and TV series.  That being said, he does hold his own with the Scottish actor.

As father and son coroners hired to do an autopsy on an unidentified body found at a strange homicide where the victims seemed to be trying to get out of this creepy house. I liked the film from the start.  The audience is shown the aftermath of a bizarre killing area, but are not really subjected to the gore that usually accompany such scenes.  On the other hand, the mystery of what exactly happened hangs over the first part of the movie.

The setting is pretty perfect.  This is not your white, brightly lit, coroners station that you see in Quincy or even Law and Order.  No.  This is a dark, almost dim operating room which makes one wonder how they even see each other, never mind the instruments they are supposed to use. On top of it all they’re doing the autopsy at night.  Talk about a perfect storm.  Oh, did I mention there is also a storm on the way?

Needless to say, the spooky stage is set and mysterious events start to occur.  Now, as a rule, if the movie is good and begins well, I don’t spend my time second guessing the plot.  I just enjoy the ride.  

“Jane Doe” is that type of film.  It sucks you in with the mystery and holds your attention to the very end.  As you all know, I only watch horror movies during the day, but this one creeped me out especially.  There’s a part near the end where you think everything is going to be okay….and it isn’t.  It really, really wasn’t.  

Suffice to say, this isn’t your average horror film.  There is a lot of slow dread and great buildup.  Weird things happen, things get smooth for a bit and more weird things happen. I liked the film.  I liked the slow dread and the dynamic between the two actors, who work very well together.

Trivia:  There is an actual actress who plays Jane Doe.  She had to lie still for hours at a time to film the movie.

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars. Highly recommended.

For Writers Only: Coping with Criticism

Writing is not a profession for the faint of heart. Sure, you wrote a paragraph or two about how the end of The Walking Dead should have been, or an alternate version of Breaking Bad’s nursing home scene (I’m still sick sick sick over that) , but when you REALLY take the plunge, you’ll know.

The Degraded Life of a Writer
Let’s look at the downward spiral you will take. First, you have to complete a story, a task in and of itself. Many different endings will present themselves to you, if you’re lucky to get that far. Otherwise, you’ll dilly dally around the middle, adding in a character, or three, perhaps a death or some kind of natural disaster to get you through the classic “center of story” slump. Or, you’ll shilly shally around the beginning, crafting that perfect first word, sentence, paragraph, chapter, over and over again. Whatever way you choose, you’re doomed. DOOMED. (Can you hear Hector Salamanca’s bell?)

Second, once the piece is finished (again, if you get that far), you either give it to a beta reader or an editor. Prepare to be humiliated. Not that your beta/editor is doing it on purpose (usually), far from it. They are there to help. But about your lovely golden-y words, your figures of speech and witty conversations between your perfect, perfect, characters? They’re going to be cut, slashed and twisted. Shall I tell you why? When you sit in front of a blank screen and fill it with words, you are the wittiest, smartest, creativest (not a real word) person in the world. In fact, I feel exactly that way now as I type this. No one can write a blog post like I can! Bwuahahahaha! Bow to my wit and abjectly funny sentences.

Two Types of Criticism
This is where we come to the criticism part. There are two types and sometimes, it’s hard to tell them apart. In the previous paragraph, I speak about a beta reader or editor cutting and slashing your words so they are more cohesive and make sense. If you’ve selected your partners in crime carefully, they have nothing except positive thoughts, daisy, and hearts in their souls for you. They want you to do well. And while you weep at your precious words and sentences writhing on the floor, deep in your trembling heart, you know it’s for the best.

Every editor everywhere.

That’s constructive criticism. And if you get someone who is willing to read your stuff and give you clear-eyed and on point critique? Tie them up in the basement and never let them go. Well, maybe not the basement. Add an extra bedroom. These people are precious, and will you tell you like it is. We writers CRAVE this.

Then, there’s the other kind of criticism. This type if from people who don’t really know your voice, don’t know/understand your background and either don’t want to “get” you or don’t care if you succeed or not. These are the people who will read your stuff, then want you to change the name of a character because “they don’t like it”. Or, they don’t like both characters being in the same profession. Note: If a person gives a valid REASON as to why these things rng hollow in your writing, then that’s a different story (see what I did there?).

Now, none of this is as obvious as “I don’t like your writing”. It’s a more insidious form of criticism. It’s designed to tear you and your choices down, under the guise of “critique”. You want to know if your story resonated with people, not if one being an elementary school teacher and the other being a professor raises someone hackles. If it doesn’t make a difference in the story, then what of it?

Even better when they say “this story reminds me of xxxx”. Well, NATCH! There’s only so many stories to write, so many plots to twist, so many character traits to combine. Though the idea may be similar, the story is YOUR story and YOUR story only.

Dealing with Criticism
So, after all this chitter chatter, how are you to deal with this?
Keep your emotions in check. After all, even with the meanest (in your eyes) criticism, something good may be lurking in the wings. Don’t take it personally.

Ignore it and find another beta/editor. Not all beta/editors are created alike. Find someone who walks a balance between understanding what’s “popular” and understanding your way of creating. Sometimes they dovetail, sometimes they don’t.

Ask questions. Nothing stops someone in their critique tracks than asking the reasons behind a particular criticism. Sometimes you get something you can use, sometimes….yeah, you guessed it, you don’t. If you hear “I don’t like so and so’s name”. You ask, “Why don’t you like it? What effect does that have on the story?” If they can’t answer the second question to your satisfaction, then shine that ish on.

Be respectful and thank them. Even if you think what they said was more fit for a farm field than your ears, listen calmly and thank them for their feedback (after you’ve asked some probing questions). This is where your acting skills come into play!

All it all, it’s not SO tough being a writer. You get to wear what you want and if you’re like me, use writing time as an excuse to write the movie and TV shows you wish someone would write. For reals, tho, right?

Keep your head up and pen to paper. Until next time.

1Love

Horror Movie Review: The Ritual

Title:  The Ritual

Genre:  Horror, Drama, Snoozefest

Summary: A group of college friends reunite for a trip to the forest, but encounter a menacing presence in the woods that’s stalking them. (from IMDB)

Starring:  This Guy, That Guy, Glasses Guy, Red Coat Guy

Usually I’m down for a horror movie where the actors go on a hike and get lost in the woods.  They can find anything there, from an evil killer, to a time loop or even a supernatural force that will tear them limb from limb.  A good monster, such as Bigfoot or the Jersey Devil does well too.  Alsi, alien invasions, government experiments gone wrong or mechanic cannibals.

Basically, anything. I’ve seen everything I’ve listed and more and have enjoyed the movie at one level or another..  or simply turned it off halfway through.

 

The Ritual is based on a book that my daughter is currently reading which I was unable to snatch from her fingers.  She asked for it for Christmas, but she was so busy reading her novels for the Battle of the Books that I didn’t have the heart to take it from her and was too cheap to buy a Kindle copy.

The best horror movies can go one of two ways- you either care about the characters and hate seeing them in trouble, sitting through many nail biting moments, or you take the killing in stride and giggle gleefully as each person is picked off.

The Ritual, in short was neither of these.  Despite some random chatter at the beginning which introduces us to the characters, immediate followed by a tragedy, I could not muster up any real emotion for the characters.  So I settled into gleefully watch them wander around the woods and get picked off.

This was not to be. As a traditionally shot feature, I did not get the requisite introduction of the crew via straight talk to the camera. To me those are both fun and cheesy and allows you to bond (or not) with the character of your choosing.

Not only did I not feel a bond, the movie took a while to reach the action.  After the tragedy, they go on the hike. Some introspection and discussion later, someone does something which then requires a shortcut to be taken.  And I use the term ‘someone’ deliberately.  I honestly could not tell one character from the other in tone.  Though they all looked different, they all were so bland as to be basic clones of each other.  I ended up labeling them “glasses guy”, “the one with the reddish coat” etc.  

Whew, I think. The movie was finally getting underway.  Boy was I wrong.  

By the time they got to the meat of the movie, I was checking the time on my Ghost Rider watch. (A movie that I liked, by the way, in the face of much criticism.) Simply put, even the flashes of “something in the night”, growling and mysterious symbols on trees did nothing for me.  

When you see what is really happening, the first thing I thought of was M. Night Shamalayan’s “The Village” and not in a good way.  I kept wondering, if people were disappearing like this, would the authorities eventually send out search parties? Maybe things are different in Sweden.

By the final act of the movie, I just didn’t care.  There was an inkling of sort of thought as to personal grief and soul-pain, but….not enough to redeem the movie.  It was like The Village crossed with The Wicker Man on heroin.  A huge snooze.

I can’t even recommend this for fun.  Skip it.  I’ll update the post when I read the book.

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Rating: 2 out of 5 stars for the monster.  If you’re not into seeing that, skip it.

 

 

 

Horror Movie Review – The Open House

Title:   The Open House

Genre:   Thriller/Horror

Synopsis:   (from imdb) A teenager (Dylan Minnette) and his mother (Piercey Dalton) find themselves besieged by threatening forces when they move into a new house.

If you’re a fan of horror movies where “the black guy dies first”, this movie is for you.  To begin, let me tell you I watch a LOT of garbage.  As a person who watched horror movies, I have accepted and even embraced the fact that not every movie I screen will be good or even palatable.  Still, even in the worst of horror movies so far, I’ve been able to not be disgusted by them.  Sure, they’ve been dumb, silly and downright terrible, but there was always a little spark of originality or the fact the movie didn’t take itself too seriously which mitigated its terribleness. This is not the case with The Open House.

If, after my dire warning, you still insist on watching this film in a serious way, read no more.  I will be spoiling everything I can.  All the spoilers.  EVERY ONE!

not necessarily in order, either

 From both the poster and the movie trailer, the film promises a mysterious movie in which a weekly Open House may or may not be inviting in a killer.  The film poster, done in bluish-gray “horror movie tones” showed a shadowy figure standing menacingly in a driveway.  Both advertisement mediums indicated a good, scary time lorded over by this scary figure.

When I logged on to Netflix to chill out and watch some reruns of The Office, it popped right up on my feed.  So, I said, what the heck?  Oh, foolish Dahlia. Foolish, foolish, Dahlia. 

 

I should have known something was up when the movie began with a cliche:

Main character suffers a devastating tragedy.
I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again:  I’ve seen a LOT of movies (not just horror) and I’m pretty good at recognizing foreshadowing when I see it.  As I writer, I have also been known to use the technique a bit. That being said, foreshadowing is supposed to be subtle, but when Dad dropped an egg and the movie showed it cracking open, spilling out the yolk and white all over the floor, I knew Dad was a goner.  Then, poor old Dad suggests they go get more eggs.  I knew right away, old Dad was gonna be cracked open sooner rather than later.  Sure enough, Dad was gone in the first 15 minutes of the movie.  Bonus cliche points:  the main character sees this happen,

Main character has to relocate because of…whatever issues.

Turns out Dad was a deadbeat and didn’t leave any insurance.  So Mom and son have to go to live in her sister’s house, which she just so happens to have up for sale.  Which brings us to the next cliche.

New location is located in a remote place with spotty cell service.

On their way to the town, the mother is talking on the cell phone in the car. Sounds like she’s trying to straighten out something with the husband’s estate.  Why are you chatting on the phone, driving to a strange place IN THE DARK? Either way she’s driving, in the dark and chatting on the phone.  Then she gets mad because the phone 

cuts out (cue spotty cell service) Suddenly, a mysterious figure appears at the side of the road, causing mom to slam the brakes and holler, “Did I hit him?”

:::::Mouth open::::::  Heffa, did you hear a thump? I’m sorry, but I’ve got to really ding the movie for this.  I can’t with this one.  There was no thump….why the heck did you think you hit him? I began to think this movie wasn’t going to have any legs. But it did have cliches!  Check out the next one.

Explore a creepy basement/attic with a flashlight.

They get to the house.  Bring in their stuff.  Then the mother disappears somewhere and the boy is in the kitchen by himself.  Oh, look there’s a door!  It leads to a basement, WHICH HAS NO LIGHT SWITCH.  No worries, just pick up this handy flashlight and go right on down!  Also, what was up with the maze in the basement?  Stone walls?  Is this Wolfenstein? No rhyme or reason, just wander around down there until your mother calls for you.  The weird thing was, they never discuss how weird the basement was, not even a throw off line.  I tell you what, if I lived in a house like that with a creepy basement, I sure would be on the lookout for, well, creepiness.

Weird/creepy neighbors and/or townsfolk

The characters go into a store or something and an older woman comes up to them.  “You must be Logan….and you are Naomi”.  Ooooo, spooky.  They are on alert.  How does this woman know their names.  “Oh, your sister emailed me with your pictures.”  Okay, why didn’t the sister TELL THEM that?  Cheap scary moment.  Random crazy woman not so crazy…or is she?  You’re back and forth with that, movie. And I despise you for it.

Random scares with chords.

Oh, the tangled web we weave when we try to scare.  Sigh.  The silly jump scares abound. Unfortunately, no cat scares…that at least would have been mildly entertaining.

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Saying “hello” when there’s a weird sound/event.

There’s a scene where Logan, the teenager, is awakened by a honking horn.  He gets up, goes to the window and peeks out.  There is a car sitting in their driveway, with its lights on bright so he really can’t see anything.  He stands there for a while until the car honks its horn.  Logan then GOES OUTSIDE (no coat, no shoes) and tries to see who is in the car.  What the heck?  Then, he goes back to bed and DOES NOT TELL HIS MOTHER. Whaaaa? I dig that they’re kind of estranged because of the father’s death and their poorness, but…..c’mon man!

Not noticing things are out of place/not telling people when weird things happen

You live in a house, an apartment whatever.  You know when doors are open and closed, right?  Well, these two don’t.  The mother goes somewhere in the house, walks past a door.  As we watch, the door opens.  When she comes back, and walks right past the door, she doesn’t close it, nor does she even seem to register that it’s open in the first place.  I just shook my head.  By that time in the movie, I was just watching to see what happened.

Kid has a cereal bowl in his room.  He goes to do something, and finds his cereal bowl in the living room.  Says nothing.

Black guy dies first

So something scary happens, furniture is rearranged when they leave the house.  They come back, are shocked, and FINALLY call the police.  After trying to keep his mother from even talking to this dude earlier in the movie, Kid invites the only other black guy in the movie besides the cop, Chris, over to, I guess, protect them against the creepy stuff. And also to be the first victim of mysterious killer. Yeah.  Bite it, movie, with your oldest cliche in the damn horror movie book.

Note:  There are two black men in this movie.  One is a red herring and dies first, the other is a police officer and has THREE WORDS to say. This is 2018, right?  I thought we were done with the stereotypes and cliches, but I guess not. Bugger off, movie.

As if you didn’t know this already, this movie is not recommended, even for fun.  It’s a dud of a movie, and I truly felt I wasted my time watching it. If you want to see the trailer, I’m sure it’s on YouTube.  I’ve wasted enough of my life on this movie as it is. 

 

Grade:  F-.  You are not approved for a mortgage.

 

Note:  There are a few times where I think I say I’m sorry?  Well, I’m NOT!!