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Dahlia DeWinters - Author

Quirky Heroines, Happy Endings

Banish Envy

Courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net
Courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net

You:  I’m engaged to get married!!! (runs around sprinkling white and pearl and pink glitter, pleased and happy)

Friend:  That’s wonderful!  I’m happy for you, but I am jealous.

You:  (some joy gone)

 

Envy is the religion of the mediocre. It comforts them, it soothes their worries, and finally it rots their souls, allowing them to justify their meanness and their greed until they believe these to be virtues. —Carlos Ruiz Zafón, The Angel’s Game

 

Folks, this happens.  We all have someone in our past, present or future to whom you cannot impart good news without them poking a hole in your glittery balloon.  It is human nature to want to share good news, but unfortunately, it is also human nature to be envious of another.  I call this “keeping up with the Joneses” syndrome.  “Why do they XYZ and I don’t?”

We all had it at one time or another and boy, can it drag you down.  The key to defeating it is to not refuse to wallow in it.  Why?  Because your envy will translate to negativity and that negativity will hold you back .

As a former teacher, I saw this a lot, especially among the female teachers.  If one teacher’s class scored high on the state test or had a lot of students on the honor roll, it was rarely, “Oh wow, she must be a good teacher.  She does work hard.”  No and nope.  It was almost always “She has an easy class.  She made up the grades.  She must have cheated.”

Sad, right?  They never see that teacher staying until 4 pm  working with the students, or creating games and other enrichment activities, or seeking out extra resources. Nope.  They just assumed the worse and their jealously eats them from the inside out. Do they try to improve their teaching techniques or seek out new resources?  No.  Because they assumed that this “star” teacher cheated, they see no recourse for themselves.

I see it a lot from authors.  “Why did such a badly written book make it to the best seller list while my well-written book didn’t?”

Let me tell you the answer:  because people liked it and it caught their attention. 

Does it mean that your book stinks?  Maybe.  It also may mean that it doesn’t suit the general population.  Or no one has discovered it yet.  Or people aren’t ready for it yet.

Point is, stop beating yourself up about what other books are doing.  Stop checking Amazon and Novel Rank and all those stat places and beating yourself up about your numbers and how those other books are such terrible trash.

Let me let you in on another secret.  I despise reality TV.  The Real Housewives of whatever, Bad Girls Club, Survivor…anyone who still thinks those shows are true reality needs to take a sanity test.  There is a guiding hand behind all this ramped up dramatics and fighting and “cussing out”.

But…. many people seem to enjoy it.  They talk about who whomped whose ass, who pulled out whose hair and the reunion show where so and so fought so and so again.

Yeah, no thanks.

Does that make them terrible shows?  Maybe.  And maybe, right now, that’s what people like.  It’s strange, I don’t understand it, but hey, that’s me.

Same with your book.  Never mind with what other books are doing.  You be sure that you wrote the book you wanted to read.  That’s all that matters.

Create a space of positivity in your mind and your heart and shine on with blessings those who do well.  I promise, it will keep you free and easy.

D


Filed Under: Quotation Thursdays, Uncategorized

I had to let it happen…I had to change…

I was a beginning writer once.  Heck, I still think I’m a beginning writer, sometimes.  I also have a lot of contact, both on and off the interwebs, with other writers, beginning writers, hobby writers,  and the like.

In my past life as a teacher,  I tend to be the person to whom people came for advice.  Now that I’m a (beginning ) writer who has been published, the questions abound.   I don’t give advice anymore.  I don’t, really, you know why?  I think that if you’re asking the question, eighty percent of the time, you already have the answer and either are in denial or are looking for someone else to simply agree with your assessment of the situation.

And, if you’re wrong, you’ll be looking for a long time.

I was fortunate enough to run upon Holly Lisle’s books and courses and something she said in her book “Mugging the Muse”

To paraphrase, those who ask others about writing, are given an answer, then say “but….”?  That means they don’t LIKE the answer you‘ve given and have already made up their minds.

These type of people, you can’t help, so don’t waste your time.

I’ll give a brief example from my own experience.  I submitted my first book, Kitty Wishes, as a short story for an Evernight anthology call.  I was told that though the anthology was full, if I expanded the story, then it could be released on its own.

If I were a lunkhead, I could have said “But….I wrote the story as a short story!  It stands as I created it!!!  I’ll shop it somewhere else! How dare you ask ME to chaaaaaaange!!!”

Did I say that?  No.  To me, that was an opportunity to expand on characterization and place.  So I did, and it was published.

Same with beta readers.  If you’ve picked a good beta reader, pay attention to what they say.  Sure, being criticized hurts.

Who among us wants our work to be picked apart?

Those of us who want to be GOOD at what we do.

When the publishers say, “Give me the same thing…only different!”  DO it.  They know what they want and are asking for it in plain language.  Don’t lament that “they only want this, they only want that”  Yeah.  They do “only want this, only want that” because in their experience, that sells.

Don’t change the publisher.  Change your writing.  OR, find a publisher that will accept your type of writing.  Just don’t “butt” your head against a brick wall trying to bend the publisher to YOUR will.  You will end up with a very sore head and an empty bank account.

Really.

Have  I said too much?  There’s nothing more I can think of to say to you/ But all you do is look at me to know that every word is true……

TSS
Write long to prosper!


Filed Under: Quotation Thursdays, Uncategorized Tagged: dahlia dewinters, interracial romance, multicultural romance

Quotation Thursdays – Book Quotes

It’s almost spring here in the lovely Garden State – not sure if I’m really ready or not, because we haven’t had much of a winter. But tis always good to have nice weather!

I’ve looked over my past posts and realize, wow.  I just love music and the movies – perhaps I should branch out a bit more and stop beating the same tracks in the dirt.  While I don’t agree that you, reader, will ever tire of my music and movie missives (hee hee)  I will give myself a new challenge today.

Quotation from some of my favorite books.  I have a NOOK with a 4g SD card.  The other day, my little NOOK told me the 4g card was full.  So, yeah, I love to read and think the NOOK is great!  Where else can I carry ALL of my favorite books?

Let’s begin….

“You can’t make a race horse of a pig.”
“No,” said Samuel, “but you can make a very fast pig.”
― John Steinbeck, East of Eden

Nowadays people know the price of everything and the value of nothing. ― Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

“Either get busy living or get busy dying” – Stephen King,  Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption

“Don’t let the bastards grind you down.”
― Margaret Atwood, The Handmaid’s Tale

“No, I don’t think I will kiss you, although you need kissing, badly. That’s what’s wrong with you. You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how.”
― Rhett Butler, Margaret Mitchell, Gone with the Wind

 

TSS



Filed Under: Quotation Thursdays, Uncategorized

Quotation Thursdays – On Writing

“I’m in a bind, because I’m way behind…..”

Trying to catch up on my posts this week – even if I  have to cheat a little by backdating……

The quotations from this week are for writing……

 

 

 

The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say.  ~Anaïs Nin

Every author in some way portrays himself in his works, even if it be against his will.  ~Goethe

I want to write books that unlock the traffic jam in everybody’s head.  ~John Updike

And my fave….

The best style is the style you don’t notice.  ~Somerset Maugham


Filed Under: Quotation Thursdays, Uncategorized

Quotation Thursday – Sex

Quotations about, yeah, that.


The tragedy is when you’ve got sex in the head instead of down where it belongs.  ~D.H. Lawrence

Sex is emotion in motion.  ~Mae West

A dirty book is rarely dusty.  ~Author Unknown

No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.  ~Abraham Lincoln

My personal favorite:

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed.  The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the egg is frowning and looking put out.  The egg mutters to no one in particular, “I guess we answered that question.”  ~Author Unknown


Filed Under: Quotation Thursdays, Uncategorized

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