Dahlia DeWinters - Author

Quirky Heroines, Happy Endings

Horror Movie Review – The Open House

Title:   The Open House

Genre:   Thriller/Horror

Synopsis:   (from imdb) A teenager (Dylan Minnette) and his mother (Piercey Dalton) find themselves besieged by threatening forces when they move into a new house.

If you’re a fan of horror movies where “the black guy dies first”, this movie is for you.  To begin, let me tell you I watch a LOT of garbage.  As a person who watched horror movies, I have accepted and even embraced the fact that not every movie I screen will be good or even palatable.  Still, even in the worst of horror movies so far, I’ve been able to not be disgusted by them.  Sure, they’ve been dumb, silly and downright terrible, but there was always a little spark of originality or the fact the movie didn’t take itself too seriously which mitigated its terribleness. This is not the case with The Open House.

If, after my dire warning, you still insist on watching this film in a serious way, read no more.  I will be spoiling everything I can.  All the spoilers.  EVERY ONE!

not necessarily in order, either

 From both the poster and the movie trailer, the film promises a mysterious movie in which a weekly Open House may or may not be inviting in a killer.  The film poster, done in bluish-gray “horror movie tones” showed a shadowy figure standing menacingly in a driveway.  Both advertisement mediums indicated a good, scary time lorded over by this scary figure.

When I logged on to Netflix to chill out and watch some reruns of The Office, it popped right up on my feed.  So, I said, what the heck?  Oh, foolish Dahlia. Foolish, foolish, Dahlia. 

 

I should have known something was up when the movie began with a cliche:

Main character suffers a devastating tragedy.
I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again:  I’ve seen a LOT of movies (not just horror) and I’m pretty good at recognizing foreshadowing when I see it.  As I writer, I have also been known to use the technique a bit. That being said, foreshadowing is supposed to be subtle, but when Dad dropped an egg and the movie showed it cracking open, spilling out the yolk and white all over the floor, I knew Dad was a goner.  Then, poor old Dad suggests they go get more eggs.  I knew right away, old Dad was gonna be cracked open sooner rather than later.  Sure enough, Dad was gone in the first 15 minutes of the movie.  Bonus cliche points:  the main character sees this happen,

Main character has to relocate because of…whatever issues.

Turns out Dad was a deadbeat and didn’t leave any insurance.  So Mom and son have to go to live in her sister’s house, which she just so happens to have up for sale.  Which brings us to the next cliche.

New location is located in a remote place with spotty cell service.

On their way to the town, the mother is talking on the cell phone in the car. Sounds like she’s trying to straighten out something with the husband’s estate.  Why are you chatting on the phone, driving to a strange place IN THE DARK? Either way she’s driving, in the dark and chatting on the phone.  Then she gets mad because the phone 

cuts out (cue spotty cell service) Suddenly, a mysterious figure appears at the side of the road, causing mom to slam the brakes and holler, “Did I hit him?”

:::::Mouth open::::::  Heffa, did you hear a thump? I’m sorry, but I’ve got to really ding the movie for this.  I can’t with this one.  There was no thump….why the heck did you think you hit him? I began to think this movie wasn’t going to have any legs. But it did have cliches!  Check out the next one.

Explore a creepy basement/attic with a flashlight.

They get to the house.  Bring in their stuff.  Then the mother disappears somewhere and the boy is in the kitchen by himself.  Oh, look there’s a door!  It leads to a basement, WHICH HAS NO LIGHT SWITCH.  No worries, just pick up this handy flashlight and go right on down!  Also, what was up with the maze in the basement?  Stone walls?  Is this Wolfenstein? No rhyme or reason, just wander around down there until your mother calls for you.  The weird thing was, they never discuss how weird the basement was, not even a throw off line.  I tell you what, if I lived in a house like that with a creepy basement, I sure would be on the lookout for, well, creepiness.

Weird/creepy neighbors and/or townsfolk

The characters go into a store or something and an older woman comes up to them.  “You must be Logan….and you are Naomi”.  Ooooo, spooky.  They are on alert.  How does this woman know their names.  “Oh, your sister emailed me with your pictures.”  Okay, why didn’t the sister TELL THEM that?  Cheap scary moment.  Random crazy woman not so crazy…or is she?  You’re back and forth with that, movie. And I despise you for it.

Random scares with chords.

Oh, the tangled web we weave when we try to scare.  Sigh.  The silly jump scares abound. Unfortunately, no cat scares…that at least would have been mildly entertaining.

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Saying “hello” when there’s a weird sound/event.

There’s a scene where Logan, the teenager, is awakened by a honking horn.  He gets up, goes to the window and peeks out.  There is a car sitting in their driveway, with its lights on bright so he really can’t see anything.  He stands there for a while until the car honks its horn.  Logan then GOES OUTSIDE (no coat, no shoes) and tries to see who is in the car.  What the heck?  Then, he goes back to bed and DOES NOT TELL HIS MOTHER. Whaaaa? I dig that they’re kind of estranged because of the father’s death and their poorness, but…..c’mon man!

Not noticing things are out of place/not telling people when weird things happen

You live in a house, an apartment whatever.  You know when doors are open and closed, right?  Well, these two don’t.  The mother goes somewhere in the house, walks past a door.  As we watch, the door opens.  When she comes back, and walks right past the door, she doesn’t close it, nor does she even seem to register that it’s open in the first place.  I just shook my head.  By that time in the movie, I was just watching to see what happened.

Kid has a cereal bowl in his room.  He goes to do something, and finds his cereal bowl in the living room.  Says nothing.

Black guy dies first

So something scary happens, furniture is rearranged when they leave the house.  They come back, are shocked, and FINALLY call the police.  After trying to keep his mother from even talking to this dude earlier in the movie, Kid invites the only other black guy in the movie besides the cop, Chris, over to, I guess, protect them against the creepy stuff. And also to be the first victim of mysterious killer. Yeah.  Bite it, movie, with your oldest cliche in the damn horror movie book.

Note:  There are two black men in this movie.  One is a red herring and dies first, the other is a police officer and has THREE WORDS to say. This is 2018, right?  I thought we were done with the stereotypes and cliches, but I guess not. Bugger off, movie.

As if you didn’t know this already, this movie is not recommended, even for fun.  It’s a dud of a movie, and I truly felt I wasted my time watching it. If you want to see the trailer, I’m sure it’s on YouTube.  I’ve wasted enough of my life on this movie as it is. 

 

Grade:  F-.  You are not approved for a mortgage.

 

Note:  There are a few times where I think I say I’m sorry?  Well, I’m NOT!!

 

Whatever Wednesdays – Mental Clarity for Writing

If you are a writer with a full time job, or have extra duties in the home, I bet you sometimes wish that you could lock yourself in a closet and use that time to write, write, write.  Only when you get that time, you find yourself looking at a blinking cursor on a blank, white page.

I am a stay at home mom and my children are in school all day.  That means that I’ve got tons of time to write, right?  No.  There are dishes to be done, floors to be vacuumed, laundry to be done and let’s not forget the dog that thinks her task is demanding that you pet her every time you sit down at the computer.

There’s also the distraction of those awful daytime television shows and those tons of movies that you’ve recorded and haven’t had a chance to watch. And, there is always the lure of that huge, empty bed and the promise of “I’ll be a lot fresher if I take a nap.”

As Public Enemy said, “Don’t Believe the Hype”.

Creativity is something that cannot be forced. But it can be nurtured.

Proper brain function is important for every aspect of life, but especially when you are trying to focus your thinking and your creativity for a certain amount of time.  When you are a busy person in general, the time that you spend at the computer, creating, must be productive.

What’s my secret?  Herbs!  I’m a crunchy, granola, hippy type of gal and I believe in herbs, essential oils and supplements.

Herbs won’t make you produce faster, but I have found that it improves my concentration and keeps me focused on the task at hand.

Now, I’m not a doctor, nor do I play one on television, consult a medical care professional before you take my advice.  However, some of the herb supplements I use for mental clarity are “Better Brain” by Gardens of Life.  It’s an extra bonus because you also get some Omega 3 fatty acids.  And who can’t use more Omega 3 fatty acids?

You could also try Himalaya Herbal Healthcare, MindCare, as well as Eclectic Institute Fresh Freeze-Dried Ginkgo Gotu Kola Combo.

Again, consult your doctor before beginning any herbal supplement regimen.  Just because the supplements are natural doesn’t mean that they are right for everyone.

Happy writing!

Cleanse Your Headspace

Some writers take a break from writing and go on social media. I don’t find social media relaxing.  In fact, it clutters up the mind and may even stunt creativity.

The occasional peek into asocial media platform can turn into following conversations that more often than not ended with name-calling and pointing nasty fingers. The quick scan of another social media feed included more politics than I cared to consume on a daily basis. It was becoming more difficult to separate the wheat from the chaff and my space, the area of my spirit I used for creativity, was suffering.

I don’t go in for controversy, detailed celeb news or negative speak. I was always one to believe actions speak louder than words. See something wrong? Do what you can in the moment. I believe that peace can overcome war. I believe in protecting my headspace.

Being an writer in the genre I chose, I understand there will always be some controversy. Someone doesn’t like this book. A reviewer gives an unfair reading of an author’s book. Readers lash out at authors. Authors lash out at readers.

I’m not going to say “can’t we all just get along”. Nope. I can only control my actions.


So, I cleaned house. I hid the posts that gave me agita. I cleared my feeds and added positive vibes, rather than negative ones. I loaded my playlist with meditative music and pulled out my mala beads.

It’s so important to stay focused on the things which have true meaning in one’s life: family, friends and the beauty of life itself. It’s very easy to get caught up in the raging tides of every day, especially when the Internet can bring it right into your home.

Certainly, this is not a post that advocates ignoring everything around you and navel-gazing for peace. There is a time and a place for everything. When you feel yourself become overwhelmed, then it’s time to take a break. It’ll wait, right?

Writers: Increase Productivity with these 3 Tools

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As a writer and a lover of technology, I find I like to try a lot of different things I think will increase my productivity. Sometimes I find a tool helpful, sometimes it simply pulls hours of frustration from my life with no real return. Right now, I want to share some of my best apps and tools which assist me in make a life as an author and as a mom a little easier.

Writing often includes research, lots of it. From recipes to the right way to give CPR to trying to find out if a .357 Magnum would really blow your head “clean off” as Dirty Harry once told us, “writing” isn’t all about getting words on the page. In fact, it’s the research that helps us find our flow and get words on the page in the first place. I always feel twenty minutes of thorough research can influence at least 5,000 words on the page.

The question is, where do you store all this research? Printing it out is ridiculous. Who needs all those reams of paper floating around their space? I have enough clutter as it is. While I love the printed page, I make the effort to go paperless when I can.

Enter Evernote.
Yes, an elephant never forgets, unlike my spotty memory. Evernote floats along with you on your web searches. Any little thing you want to save, it’s there for you. You can even enter your own voice and written notes.