dahlia dewinters

Blogtoberfest – Five Scary Movies – Mya Lairis

My top five scary movies are:

1. Trilogy of Terror– is my all time scary movie. There is just something about that damn doll, like maybe it gnawed my ankles off in a past life or something but I have only watched this film once. Trying to get up the nerve to do it again, but…that doll!

2. Squirm– I have no issue with snakes, at all…they are tasty in fact but earthworms, shrieking, no-eyes having, able to be cut into pieces and still live, burrowing under the skin…Hell naw.

3. Event Horizon– When I first saw this film it scared the crap out of me. Dimensional terrors usually hit home with the terror mark in me and that the space ship had breached the dimension to Hell and was inescapable…yeah. I have been able to watch this a few times however and still, its a shitty deal for those on board.

4. Evil Dead Remake– This was an excellent remake and one that I winced a couple of times at but enjoyed all the same. That razor blade though….

5. Beloved– Yup, actually now that I think about it, this could be one of the scariest films I’ve ever seen. The notion of slavery is frightening enough but this film did emotional damage to me as it made me question the notions of anger, vengeance, and self. Creatures are scary and all but the human psyche can be far worse.

Bio: Mya Lairis is a monster and kaiju fanatic who writes paranormal romance and erotica but who reads mostly extreme horror and heart racing cyber punk sci fi.

Website: www.myalairis.com

Horror Movie Review: The Ritual

Title: The Ritual

Genre: Horror, Drama, Snoozefest

Summary: A group of college friends reunite for a trip to the forest, but encounter a menacing presence in the woods that’s stalking them. (from IMDB)

Starring: This Guy, That Guy, Glasses Guy, Red Coat Guy

Usually I’m down for a horror movie where the actors go on a hike and get lost in the woods. They can find anything there, from an evil killer, to a time loop or even a supernatural force that will tear them limb from limb. A good monster, such as Bigfoot or the Jersey Devil does well too. Alsi, alien invasions, government experiments gone wrong or mechanic cannibals.

Basically, anything. I’ve seen everything I’ve listed and more and have enjoyed the movie at one level or another.. or simply turned it off halfway through.

The Ritual is based on a book that my daughter is currently reading which I was unable to snatch from her fingers. She asked for it for Christmas, but she was so busy reading her novels for the Battle of the Books that I didn’t have the heart to take it from her and was too cheap to buy a Kindle copy.

The best horror movies can go one of two ways- you either care about the characters and hate seeing them in trouble, sitting through many nail biting moments, or you take the killing in stride and giggle gleefully as each person is picked off.

The Ritual, in short was neither of these. Despite some random chatter at the beginning which introduces us to the characters, immediate followed by a tragedy, I could not muster up any real emotion for the characters. So I settled into gleefully watch them wander around the woods and get picked off.

This was not to be. As a traditionally shot feature, I did not get the requisite introduction of the crew via straight talk to the camera. To me those are both fun and cheesy and allows you to bond (or not) with the character of your choosing.

Not only did I not feel a bond, the movie took a while to reach the action. After the tragedy, they go on the hike. Some introspection and discussion later, someone does something which then requires a shortcut to be taken. And I use the term ‘someone’ deliberately. I honestly could not tell one character from the other in tone. Though they all looked different, they all were so bland as to be basic clones of each other. I ended up labeling them “glasses guy”, “the one with the reddish coat” etc.

Whew, I think. The movie was finally getting underway. Boy was I wrong.

By the time they got to the meat of the movie, I was checking the time on my Ghost Rider watch. (A movie that I liked, by the way, in the face of much criticism.) Simply put, even the flashes of “something in the night”, growling and mysterious symbols on trees did nothing for me.

When you see what is really happening, the first thing I thought of was M. Night Shamalayan’s “The Village” and not in a good way. I kept wondering, if people were disappearing like this, would the authorities eventually send out search parties? Maybe things are different in Sweden.

By the final act of the movie, I just didn’t care. There was an inkling of sort of thought as to personal grief and soul-pain, but….not enough to redeem the movie. It was like The Village crossed with The Wicker Man on heroin. A huge snooze.

I can’t even recommend this for fun. Skip it. I’ll update the post when I read the book.

Rating: 2 out of 5 stars for the monster. If you’re not into seeing that, skip it.

Horror Movie Review: The Autopsy of Jane Doe

Title: The Autopsy of Jane Doe

Genre: Horror, Drama

Summary: A father and son, both coroners, are pulled into a complex mystery while attempting to identify the body of a young woman, who was apparently harboring dark secrets. (from IMDB)

Starring: Emile Hirsch and Brian Cox

Brian Cox is ‘that guy’ for me. I remember him as Daphne Moon’s gadabout father from Frasier and as Col Stryker from the first series of X-Men movies. I love the way he pops up as a villain or as a supporting character in the movies I enjoy watching. He has presence and improves any scene he appears in.

On the other hand, I only know Emile Hirsch from some strange movie called “Alpha Dog” in which he plays a kidnap “victim”. I can’t remember seeing him in anything much at all, although his IMDB resume reveals more than a few films and TV series. That being said, he does hold his own with the Scottish actor.

As father and son coroners hired to do an autopsy on an unidentified body found at a strange homicide where the victims seemed to be trying to get out of this creepy house. I liked the film from the start. The audience is shown the aftermath of a bizarre killing area, but are not really subjected to the gore that usually accompany such scenes. On the other hand, the mystery of what exactly happened hangs over the first part of the movie.

The setting is pretty perfect. This is not your white, brightly lit, coroners station that you see in Quincy or even Law and Order. No. This is a dark, almost dim operating room which makes one wonder how they even see each other, never mind the instruments they are supposed to use. On top of it all they’re doing the autopsy at night. Talk about a perfect storm. Oh, did I mention there is also a storm on the way?

Needless to say, the spooky stage is set and mysterious events start to occur. Now, as a rule, if the movie is good and begins well, I don’t spend my time second guessing the plot. I just enjoy the ride.

“Jane Doe” is that type of film. It sucks you in with the mystery and holds your attention to the very end. As you all know, I only watch horror movies during the day, but this one creeped me out especially. There’s a part near the end where you think everything is going to be okay….and it isn’t. It really, really wasn’t.

Suffice to say, this isn’t your average horror film. There is a lot of slow dread and great buildup. Weird things happen, things get smooth for a bit and more weird things happen. I liked the film. I liked the slow dread and the dynamic between the two actors, who work very well together.

Trivia: There is an actual actress who plays Jane Doe. She had to lie still for hours at a time to film the movie.

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars. Highly recommended.

Horror Movie Review – The Open House

Title: The Open House

Genre: Thriller/Horror

Synopsis: (from imdb) A teenager (Dylan Minnette) and his mother (Piercey Dalton) find themselves besieged by threatening forces when they move into a new house.

If you’re a fan of horror movies where “the black guy dies first”, this movie is for you. To begin, let me tell you I watch a LOT of garbage. As a person who watched horror movies, I have accepted and even embraced the fact that not every movie I screen will be good or even palatable. Still, even in the worst of horror movies so far, I’ve been able to not be disgusted by them. Sure, they’ve been dumb, silly and downright terrible, but there was always a little spark of originality or the fact the movie didn’t take itself too seriously which mitigated its terribleness. This is not the case with The Open House.

If, after my dire warning, you still insist on watching this film in a serious way, read no more. I will be spoiling everything I can. All the spoilers. EVERY ONE!

From both the poster and the movie trailer, the film promises a mysterious movie in which a weekly Open House may or may not be inviting in a killer. The film poster, done in bluish-gray “horror movie tones” showed a shadowy figure standing menacingly in a driveway. Both advertisement mediums indicated a good, scary time lorded over by this scary figure.

When I logged on to Netflix to chill out and watch some reruns of The Office, it popped right up on my feed. So, I said, what the heck? Oh, foolish Dahlia. Foolish, foolish, Dahlia.

I should have known something was up when the movie began with a cliche:

Main character suffers a devastating tragedy.
I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again: I’ve seen a LOT of movies (not just horror) and I’m pretty good at recognizing foreshadowing when I see it. As I writer, I have also been known to use the technique a bit. That being said, foreshadowing is supposed to be subtle, but when Dad dropped an egg and the movie showed it cracking open, spilling out the yolk and white all over the floor, I knew Dad was a goner. Then, poor old Dad suggests they go get more eggs. I knew right away, old Dad was gonna be cracked open sooner rather than later. Sure enough, Dad was gone in the first 15 minutes of the movie. Bonus cliche points: the main character sees this happen,

Main character has to relocate because of…whatever issues.

Turns out Dad was a deadbeat and didn’t leave any insurance. So Mom and son have to go to live in her sister’s house, which she just so happens to have up for sale. Which brings us to the next cliche.

New location is located in a remote place with spotty cell service.

On their way to the town, the mother is talking on the cell phone in the car. Sounds like she’s trying to straighten out something with the husband’s estate. Why are you chatting on the phone, driving to a strange place IN THE DARK? Either way she’s driving, in the dark and chatting on the phone. Then she gets mad because the phone

cuts out (cue spotty cell service) Suddenly, a mysterious figure appears at the side of the road, causing mom to slam the brakes and holler, “Did I hit him?”

:::::Mouth open:::::: Heffa, did you hear a thump? I’m sorry, but I’ve got to really ding the movie for this. I can’t with this one. There was no thump….why the heck did you think you hit him? I began to think this movie wasn’t going to have any legs. But it did have cliches! Check out the next one.

Explore a creepy basement/attic with a flashlight.

They get to the house. Bring in their stuff. Then the mother disappears somewhere and the boy is in the kitchen by himself. Oh, look there’s a door! It leads to a basement, WHICH HAS NO LIGHT SWITCH. No worries, just pick up this handy flashlight and go right on down! Also, what was up with the maze in the basement? Stone walls? Is this Wolfenstein? No rhyme or reason, just wander around down there until your mother calls for you. The weird thing was, they never discuss how weird the basement was, not even a throw off line. I tell you what, if I lived in a house like that with a creepy basement, I sure would be on the lookout for, well, creepiness.

Weird/creepy neighbors and/or townsfolk

The characters go into a store or something and an older woman comes up to them. “You must be Logan….and you are Naomi”. Ooooo, spooky. They are on alert. How does this woman know their names. “Oh, your sister emailed me with your pictures.” Okay, why didn’t the sister TELL THEM that? Cheap scary moment. Random crazy woman not so crazy…or is she? You’re back and forth with that, movie. And I despise you for it.

Random scares with chords.

Oh, the tangled web we weave when we try to scare. Sigh. The silly jump scares abound. Unfortunately, no cat scares…that at least would have been mildly entertaining.

Saying “hello” when there’s a weird sound/event.

There’s a scene where Logan, the teenager, is awakened by a honking horn. He gets up, goes to the window and peeks out. There is a car sitting in their driveway, with its lights on bright so he really can’t see anything. He stands there for a while until the car honks its horn. Logan then GOES OUTSIDE (no coat, no shoes) and tries to see who is in the car. What the heck? Then, he goes back to bed and DOES NOT TELL HIS MOTHER. Whaaaa? I dig that they’re kind of estranged because of the father’s death and their poorness, but…..c’mon man!

Not noticing things are out of place/not telling people when weird things happen

You live in a house, an apartment whatever. You know when doors are open and closed, right? Well, these two don’t. The mother goes somewhere in the house, walks past a door. As we watch, the door opens. When she comes back, and walks right past the door, she doesn’t close it, nor does she even seem to register that it’s open in the first place. I just shook my head. By that time in the movie, I was just watching to see what happened.

Kid has a cereal bowl in his room. He goes to do something, and finds his cereal bowl in the living room. Says nothing.

Black guy dies first

So something scary happens, furniture is rearranged when they leave the house. They come back, are shocked, and FINALLY call the police. After trying to keep his mother from even talking to this dude earlier in the movie, Kid invites the only other black guy in the movie besides the cop, Chris, over to, I guess, protect them against the creepy stuff. And also to be the first victim of mysterious killer. Yeah. Bite it, movie, with your oldest cliche in the damn horror movie book.

Note: There are two black men in this movie. One is a red herring and dies first, the other is a police officer and has THREE WORDS to say. This is 2018, right? I thought we were done with the stereotypes and cliches, but I guess not. Bugger off, movie.

As if you didn’t know this already, this movie is not recommended, even for fun. It’s a dud of a movie, and I truly felt I wasted my time watching it. If you want to see the trailer, I’m sure it’s on YouTube. I’ve wasted enough of my life on this movie as it is.

Grade: F-. You are not approved for a mortgage.

Note: There are a few times where I think I say I’m sorry? Well, I’m NOT!!

Horror Movie Review – The Vault

Title: The Vault

Summary:
Two estranged sisters are forced to rob a bank in order to save their brother. But this is no ordinary bank. (from imdb.com)

Genre: Horror, Thriller

Opinion

To say this was a pleasant surprise is an understatement. I didn’t expect much. I didn’t realize James Franco was in it until halfway through. This means that I kept looking at this guy and thinking that I know him from some movie. Like I said, it was only mid-movie that I said to myself “That’s James Franco! What’s he doing in this movie.”

My silly epiphany aside, The Vault was an interesting movie. It started out as one thing, then after a cliche line, it turned into something else, which I was completely fine with. I won’t go any further with the plot. Suffice it to say, the movie held my attention all the way through. I wasn’t tempted to look away, except for the bloody parts, and the acting was quite good for the genre.

While there is nothing new under the sun for me, having seen a huge amount of movies, I always relax and let the movie entertain me. Unless the movie is completely terrible, I try to let it roll out like the writers meant it to be. By doing this, I tend to enjoy a lot more movies.
Yes. The setup of The Vault has been done many times before. However, the actors were good, the special effects very effective and the back story scary and convincing.

Rating – B

Want more Horror Movie Reviews? Click HERE.